Noble Light of Heaven

Exactly a year ago, I was worried, wondering why I still wasn’t having labor pains. The baby inside me was already about two weeks overdue and I didn’t feel anything – at all. I remember starting February 13 with a morning walk around the ARMM compound followed by a swimming session at a pool in town. I was hoping the exercises would help jumpstart the labor process.

Alhamdullilah, the said activities DID help start the labor process but as fate would have it, I wasn’t meant to have a normal delivery for our second baby, the way I did for our eldest. Early on February 14, 2011, we went to the Notre Dame Hospital of Cotabato City. Even though there were regular labor symptoms, there was also meconium staining, which indicated that the baby already had bowel movement inside. My doctor was afraid that if we waited any longer, there would be fetal distress. So C-section it was.

I am afraid of surgery, always have been, but since I was already having labor pains by then, I just wanted the pain to stop. I remember feeling the pain, then sensing the needle on the lower part of my spine as the anaesthesiologist injected the anaesthesia. It was scary, feeling metal on my bone.

When the effect of the anaesthesia kicked in, I could no longer feel any pain but I could feel the other sensations – that it was cold in the operating room, that the doctor was rummaging around (for lack of a better term which can approximate what it felt like having someone’s hand in my insides) my stomach, that the procedure took about thirty minutes from what I can gather from the wall clock to my left. I was conscious the whole time, something which I am really grateful for because I saw Arya Nurjannah when the pediatrician placed her in a small baby carrier beside me. I remember thinking, she’s so pink!

Because of the meconium staining, Arya had to stay at the hospital for a week, because the doctors wanted to make sure there was no infection. Alhamdullilah, there was none.

Arya Nurjannah means Noble Light of Heaven. In shaa Allah, she will be turning one year old tomorrow.

It has been a year of wonders. Our eldest child is a boy, and it’s totally different with a girl. For one, I’ve had so much fun dressing her up and buying kikay baby clothes for her. Baby clothes for boys are somewhat boring, I must admit,  and having a daughter is like having my own live Barbie. They have different temperaments as well. She seems a lot more delicate than Abdul Rashid, too.

After undergoing the C-section, I am scared of giving birth again. The idea of having someone slice me up again is frightful enough, but remembering the painful and slow recovery afterwards is really excruciating. I felt so immobile and helpless during the recovery.

Aside from the experience of pregnancy and delivery, there are also concerns about their future. Parents are always worried if they will be able to raise their kids in a manner that will make them decent and well-rounded human beings.

Parenthood and parenting are not easy.

However, children are always great blessings and I should really be thankful that I have been given the gift of motherhood twice now. Should the Almighty Allah wish that we have more kids someday, then I am very willing to undergo the same sacrifices again. Just seeing Arya’s smile and how it lights up her whole face make it all worthwhile. MashaALLAH.